Wednesday, March 27, 2013

On approaching you

It has been 14 years since I became a mother. I almost smell your baby your clothes, feel your soft skin, hear your baby noises and your cry. There is nothing I wanted more for you, than the best in life. Little by little I understood, that the best in life was nothing to be found on earth, but to be hidden in the arms of God. To be loved by Him and to live for Him alone; anything else, was secondary.

As I learned to be a mom, I had to die to many things which I had no idea I was attached to, idols I did not know I had, and to see my self not as the righteous person I wanted you to see in me. I wanted you to see Christ in me, and follow my "holy" ways. I wanted to be the perfect sweet loving godly mother I knew I could be if I worked at it. How little I knew myself!

I had to learn often the hard way, to approach you with all patience and humility, as a sinner approaches other sinner. Not as a righteous person with no mistakes, or as a sinless mother with a sinless past. Not as someone who has it all together, or that I have nothing to learn from you because I am older and much wiser than you.  Humbling myself before you was a daily task. How often you did not see Christ in me, instead,  my sinful nature was exposed.

My wisdom, righteousness (or self righteousness), and all my 'good' works, were put to shame very quickly. I realized that even at a young age as yours, the Lord taught me wisdom, true repentance, faith, and obedience, through you. My beloved self righteousness was taught to go quietly on her knees and ask the gracious Lord for a repented heart, for His work to be done in me as I continue in the task commanded by Him: to raise these children in His way, not mine.

My comfort in your salvation and in your character does not rest in my work, but in the work of my Savior. The work of Christ on the cross. On His precious life and blood shed in exchange for yours. I cannot save you, I cannot give you life. But Christ alone can. All good that you see in me or even in you, is God's work. There is no credit I can take for any of your goodness, righteousness, kindness,... because all my work is empty if God does not build you up. Yet, He can build anything without my work.

I find it an honor and pure pleasure that the Lord has given me the grace to have you in my life, to give me the blessed opportunity to be part of His precious work in your life. And as the privilege that it is, I want to do my work faithfully, knowing that all my efforts are for Him and by Him.

And so I come to you, as a sinner working out my own salvation with fear and trembling, encouraging to keep your eyes fixed in the Lord, The beginner and finisher of our faith, and to rest in that promise, that He will never leave you nor forsake you. His love is perfect, His love is without blemish. He is The Righteous One, He is The Holy One, He is The One whose works are enough and His way is perfect. He is The perfect parent whom I only try to imitate, though I am  far from it. So I ask you, see me as a sinner, and see Him as the Savior of sinners, while together we walk in the faith given to us by our Father.